From time to time I get inspired to write, or play, or just collect
songs of various types. Most of them are Filk
Songs, but at least one is my brave rendition of a song I just
happen to like.
New Stuff:
9-Aug-2002 New entries in the links section
... there is now a Australian Filk mailing list!
2-Aug-2002 "I'm a Believer (In ASIM)" ... new filk, with MP3!!
About Andromeda Spaceways
-- which is another thing I'm excited about....
The nice people at Cumulo-Nimbus have very kindly agreed to host my MP3 files, as my main server makes determined attempts to mangle them ... thus, you do not now need to jump through hoops to listen. (since fixed, but they are still nice people)
Incidentally: Buy my book!
Johnny Phillips, Werewolf Detective
The Collected Case Files
Only AUD$15! You know you want to....
List so far:
Howard's Eyebrows Oh GST, Oh GST
Robot Man Quick Man
* = not written by me..
= Has
MP3 file ... all me singing!!! All fairly low res, so don't
panic.
Young man, though you're new to our town
You have noticed, that there are monsters around.
Don't Panic! There is no need to fear.
Because Buf-fy Sum-mers lives here.
In every, generation is one
The slayer,Who'll put the vamps on the run.
She'll slay them - she's the one you can trust
It won't be long 'til they're all dust.
Chorus:
You can rely on her - B.T.V.S.
You can depend on her - B.T.V.S.
She's cute and she's smart -
She's strong and she's brave
She'll be there as they rise from the grave.
Let's hear it for her - B.T.V.S.
Let's cheer for Buffy - B.T.V.S.
She's got a sharp pointy stake
Evil demons beware!
She'll slay them with grace and flair.
New vamp, are you listening to me?
This is not the, place that you ought to be.
If you stay here, it will be a mistake.
And it'll be the last one you make.
She'll slay you,
Yes she'll give you the flick.
And she'll finish, With her spinning high kick.
You may struggle, just as hard as you can
You'll still end up in a dustpan....
CHORUS
No slayer, does it all by herself.
There are others, who look out for her health.
Her gang is, always there to help out.
And they'll be there for the last bout.
Willow, she's a red-headed witch.
Xander, who is brave but not rich.
Giles, is the one in the know...
But now Angel has his own show.
CHORUS
B.T.V.S - Let's hear if for her - B.T.V.S.
Young man, young man, forget all your fear.
Young man, young man, Buffy Summers lives here.
B.T.V.S - Let's have a cheer for her - B.T.V.S.
New vamp, new vamp, stay away from our town.
New vamp, new vamp, or you will soon be down.
B.T.V.S - I really love her, she is - B.T.V.S.
Buffy, Buffy, why don't you come with me?
Buffy, Buffy, we'll be happy you'll see!
(repeat and fade)
Look at the mayor, he's such a square
You wouldn't think he was so bad.
He gathers power by the hour...
You don't want to make him mad.
Another Sunnydale Summer.
Vampires crawling all around.
I wish that they would all just go a-way
Because their fangs are going to really get me
down.
Laconic Oz is sad because
Soon he'll be howling at the moon.
And Mr Giles consults his files
Cause the ascension's coming soon.
Another Sunnydale summer.
And it's time to make a stand.
Come on Xander, pass that stake right here.
Cause the vampires are getting out of hand.
If only mum would see...
This is no place to be...
When Graduation day is near.
You really need to go
So I don't act too slow
When there are demon's coming here....
Anya's a demon, so it's seemin'
Until someone crushed her jewel.
And then there's Spike, you have to like,
Although he's vicious and he's cruel.
Another Sunnydale Summer.
Another ghost, another ghoul.
You'd think that they could go and leave me be..
All I'm trying to do is graduate from school.
Another Sunnydale Summer..... (repeat and fade)
Sunny Day
Keeping the Vamps at bay
Then nighttime falls
And it all goes down...
Can you tell me how to get...
Get away from Sunnydale Town?
Get away from Sunnydale Town?
(Repeat and Fade)
Dedicated to the lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar and the late great Mr Freddie Mercury.
This is a weird life
It's my reality
Slaughtering vampires
For the sake of humanity
Somebody dies, a vampire will rise, you'll see........
Merrick first told me this was my destiny. He said:
"Chosen One, play your part.
Knock 'em down. Stake the heart.
Any way you slay them doesn't really matter to me......Buffy."
Xander, just slain a vamp
Put a stake into his chest
Now he's dusted like the rest
Xander, we were having fun
But now I've gotta go out on the slay.
Xander, ooh...ooh
I'm the Chosen One
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, while I'm
gone And
pretend your name is Nighthawk.
Tonight, the end will come
The Codex never lies, says tonight I'm gonna die
Goodbye to you, Willow
I've got to go
Why did Giles and Angel try to hide the truth?
Xander, ooh...ooh
I don't wanna die
I sometimes wish I wasn't the Slayer at all!
Angel's been knockin' off Drusilla on the side
Scary moose! Scary moose! Better watch where her fangs go...
Don't let any light in. Careful where you're biting me!
Cordelia! (Cordelia...)
Cordelia! (Cordelia...)
This is Angel, say hello
(She wants him so, oh no, oh no...)
I'm just a good vampire, Buffy loves me
(Sure you're a good vamp, killed your own family
Brings a new meaning to "Mum's here for tea")
That was fun. Didn't know
That I'd get a soul.
Drusilla! No! Please let our Xander go
Let him go, Drusilla!
Oh do let Xander go
Let him go, Drusilla!
(I will not let him go)
Let him go!
(Want to bite him though)
Never never ever let him go, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, d'oh!
Oh Cordelia, Cordelia
Cordy please let Angel go
Cordelia, will you leave the guy alone now please?
Now, please?
Now, please!
So you thought the Anointed would lead me to hell?
So I'm dead? Well I'm back and I'm pretty as well!
Hey, Master!
I'll destroy you, ya bastard!
You ruined my dress
I'm whippin' your ass now, oh yeah....
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah.....
Vampires, ghosts and demons
Monsters from the sea
Nothing stops the Slayer
Nothing ever stops our Buffy.
Oz is in the Dingoes.......!
This really can't be called a filk, because it is a commercial song performed by the Who and released on their "Who's Next" album in 1971. However, late in Season 4 of Buffy, Giles does a very nice acoustic version of it -- and I was inspired.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
{Refrain}
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
{Refrain}
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
And if I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
G
D C G
I thought pulps could
only work in golden years,
G
D
C
G
Meant for die hard
fans,
but not for me.
C
G
C
G C
ASIM was out to get
me, that's the way it seemed,
D
Andromeda
Spaceways haunted all my dreams.
D
G C G
CHORUS: Then
I saw a page,
C G C G
Now I'm a believer
C G C G
Not a trace,
C G
C
G
of doubt in my mind
C
I'm on board, (oo-oo)
G
And I'm a believer
F
D
I couldn't leave here if I tried.
G
D C G
I thought pulps were
more or less a give-in thing.
G
D
C
G
Subs, the more I gave,
the less I got.
C
G
C
G C
What's the use in
throwing
money down the drain
D
When I needed
publishing
I got framed.
D G C
G
CHORUS: Then
I saw a page,
C
G C G
Now I'm a sub-editor
C G C G
Not a single,
C G C G
Scruple or care
C
I sell ASIM, (oo-oo)
G
And I'm a sub-editor
F
D
And you can get-it-here if you dare.
by Robbie Matthews
Copyright 2000
(To the Tune of "Oh Chistmas Tree (Tannenbaum)")
I can't afford a Christmas Tree
It costs too much with GST
Our household budget's sinking fast...
How much longer can we last?
So fill in forms, add ten percent,
And give up fun, and give up rent.
We'll wait until the food cools down
It costs much less that way around.
Oh GST, Oh GST
You are the only tax for me.
We're getting much more for the price ...
If you don't count the beer excise.
Now Howard has just what he wants
A tax on everything at once.
The paperwork is so much fun...
I just can't stop once I've begun.
I used to buy my children toys,
To add to all our Christmas joys.
But now we have no money left,
I guess we'll just resort to theft.
But who needs a Christmas Tree?
We;re happy with our GST.
We can stay all cosy warm...
By burning all our new tax forms.
Oh GST, Oh GST...
You are the only tax for me.
There was once a man named Howard
He was short and he was grey.
He had two enormous eyebrows
Which have lead us all astray.
Howard's Eyebrows, Howard's Eyebrows,
They are bushy, black and dense.
And they must be what he thinks with...
Instead of common sense.
"What we need is a recession,"
Little Johnny said to me.
"And the one thing that should cause one,
Is a lovely GST"
Howard's Eyebrows, Howard's Eyebrows,
Well, they're hairy and they're thick.
You only need to see him,
To realise that he's a ... Politician.
Now don't think I hate eyebrows,
No indeedy, not at all!
I would love to have his eyebrows
Mounted neatly on a wall.
Howard's Eyebrows, Howard's Eyebrows
Won't you tell us what to do?
You must be what Howard thinks with...
Which is why we're in the poo.
In the loungeroom, the noisy lounge room,
the student sits tonight.
He's watching TV, although his thesis,
is due in tomorrow night.
It's time to get the thesis in
It's time to get the thesis in
Oh it can wait
Oh it can wait
Procrastinate,
Procrastinate,
ooo-ooo-ooo it's time to procrastinate.
ooo-ooo-ooo it's time to procrastinate.
In the office, a deadline looming,
Programmers earn their pay.
But before they get down to coding,
What e-mail has arrived today?
The deadline's coming without fail
But there's still time to check the mail
The job can wait
It's not too late
Procrastinate, procrastinate
Ooo- etc.
Here sits the writer who only has
twelve chapters left to write.
He's only got a week to finish...
Time to rebuild his website
I only need the time to write
Twelve more chapters overnight
There's still time to laugh and play
Just one more day, just one more day
ooo- etc
In the bedroom, the sleepy bedroom
Off goes the alarm,
"If I sleep in for five more minutes,
It won't do any harm."
It's five-to-eight, It's getting late,
Get out of bed, You sleepy head,
It's not a crime, It's not a crime,
To hit the 'Snooze' just one more time.
Ooo-etc
Now the ceiling has started peeling,
I guess it's time to paint,
But don't worry, no need to hurry,
Right now it's kind of quaint.
I'm gonna get it done real soon,
Perhaps before the next blue moon,
But there are things I have to break,
Like high scores on both Doom and Quake.
Ooo-etc
And here's the filker, the bored stiff filker,
Why else would he write this song?
He's getting tired, and he might get fired,
This filk is just too long.
I'd better work, I'd better work,
No time to shirk, no time to shirk.
I can see it's getting late,
I think I'll just procrasti-
(this song may never be finished, because
the
writers have got other
things they have to do...)
(This is a Megaman Mush filk ... are you scared? I know I am...)
To the Tune of ‘Particle Man’ by ‘They Might be Giants’
Written by Nick Matthews
Pharaoh Man,
Pharaoh Man,
Doing the things,
A Pharaoh can,
What’s he like?
He’s too important,
Pharaoh Man
Is he a king?
Or is he much less?
When he goes and slaughter,
Does he leave a mess?
Who the hell, is Pharaoh Man?
Royalty Man,
Pharaoh Man
Fire Man,
Fire Man,
Fire Man hates Pharaoh Man,
They have a fight, Fire wins,
Fire Man
<Accordian Solo>
Guts Man,
Guts Man,
He has a damned massive Gut, man.
Not all that kind,
To smaller men,
Guts Man,
His Super Arm,
Has a crushing hand,
A throwing hand,
And a squishing hand,
When they meet,
It’s smooshing land,
Powerful Man,
Guts Man
Metal Man,
Metal Man,
Stabbed himself with his weapon hand,
Slashed himself to E-Ring Land,
Metal Man
Is he some junk?
Beat up by Punk?
In High
In High School did he always flunk?
What’s the use,
Of Metal Man?
Weakling man
Metal Man
Number Man,
Number Man,
Everyone hates Number Man,
He gets in a fight,
He never wins,
Number Man
<Accordion Solo to the end>
This song is about Quick Man.